I just returned from a trip to Target. I'm questioning my sanity at this point. Who goes to Target on a Sunday afternoon during the holiday rush? Me. I think I'm looking for a form of self punishment.

I bought new ornaments for our Christmas Tree, since this is the first tree in our new house I thought it would be nice to start fresh. I'm going to decorate it now. Because 2 hours standing in line at Target wasn't enough for me.

I love tree sap.

What a night for a dance, and you know I'm a dancing machine.

I think I'm over my Gym anxiety. Maybe. This morning it was super cold out and I sat in my car rationalizing out my hesitation to go inside by telling myself I was just warming up for the walk inside. Right. I eventually went in. But then. My God. There was only 1 elliptical available and it was next to Malibu Barbie. So I went downstairs to do some crunches in the private stretching room. Eventually I mustered up enough courage to huff and puff next to the fitness model, who by the way wasn't even sweating. She had on these hot pink yoga pants and a hot pink sports bra. Even her sneakers had hot pink on them. I threw up a little bit inside my mouth. I had on gray pants that have paint on them and a Blue T shirt that has a picture of the State of Colorado that says "Hows your Aspen?" I don't think Malibu Barbie would have gotten it.

Every little thing she does is Magic

After my misguided attempt at a healthy lifestyle and fitness, I stopped at Starbucks for a (skinny) Caramel Macchiato. After I ordered my drink at the drive thru I realized that I had left my debit card with my husband. Once I got to the window I told the Euro-Pop hair styled cashier that I didn't have any money. He gave me a cute Euro-Pop smile and said "You come here all the time, I'll give it to you anyway, we appreciate you business." I was absolutely stunned. I think I probably looked like I had seen a giant alien penis in the middle of the road dancing to the Village People. I told him thanks and that I would be back to pay for my coffee. I tracked my husband down at his breakfast haunt and got my debit card and went back to Starfucks. I went inside this time and told the Gothesque girl that I had just been through the drive thru and needed to pay for my coffee and she grunted at me. What is with Goths these days? I thought they were extinct.

Come on Petunia you thought in your head, it would all be so easy

Michael Jackson is my lover.

I am addicted to Hand Sanitizer. I have a costco sized bottle on my desk and I pump a dollop into my hand approximately every 8 minutes. I wouldn't call myself a germ phob, because if I were a germ phob perhaps I could have avoided the nasty bacterial infection that had me laying on my couch for 3 days a couple of weeks ago. Have you ever had an antibiotic injected into your ass cheek? Dear God. That needle made my knees buckle. When it was all said and done, I had 5 of those shots over 4 days and my ass still hurts when I sit a certain way.

What I'm searching for, to tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall

Tomorrow morning I'm getting up at up a time that should be illegal on Saturdays to go shooting. We recently bought a Glock and I haven't shot it yet. My husband went last week while I was working. I was hesitant for a long time for us to have a gun in the house. I'm not really sure why, I grew up with cannons in our front yard. I've shot almost every gun you can, some illegal now. My favorite was a Mac-11 machine gun. I felt gangsta.

Walking by myself down avenues that reek of time to kill

Tomorrow is a National Day of protest against the discrimination and stripping of civil rights of the gay community. I am overwhelmed by the fact that a majority of Americans are against equality in the name of God. My favorite debate tool of the religious folks is "Whats next, people are going to want to marry their dog, children or a plant?" Well, I'll tell you one thing, I sure hope that one day I win the freedom to marry an orchid, because Orchids are fucking sexy.

If you see me keep going be a pass by waver

I read a post on craig's list under the Barter category this morning that made me very sad. A woman was willing to trade anything she owned, or a service she could provide for a special uniform shirt required by her son's school. She could not afford to purchase the uniform so the child has to wear a uniform provided by the school, which is evidently easily identifiable that you are poor. Its really heartbreaking hearing stories like that, I sure hope Obama gets our Country's head out of its ass really quickly. The shit smell is really starting to get to me.